Today is the day im letting go, it is all in gods hands now. I need to make peace with the old me so i stop going back to my terrible ways. I am a new person and im perfectly content with that. <3
:(
So flustered right now. all i do is try and be honest and serious, and i dont even know whats going on. like seriously, im pretty sure im just going to stay in bed and die. im done trying. Im exhausted. putting on this fake smile is terrible. im over it. im not happy, im not ok, i dont think i can get better. it feels like all i keep getting is bad news about whats happening to me, then i get bad news about my loved ones. i just dont know. i can never stop worrying i can never feel ok. i am being sucked into a black hole of dispare. i some how function on little sleep because the medications i have to take give me night mares so i am afraid to sleep. i cant keep a healthy schedule, im trying to balance 2 jobs now, and one is a shit hole. i also have all this school stuff im worried about, i keep hiding my sickness from everyone trying to pretend that im normal but i cant anymore. im done. im done caring about others feelings, im done caring about life goals. ha i have had people tell me that i have come through so much and this is just a little rough patch to get over to my next step in life. well i hope my next step is death. there i shall feel no pain or sickness, jesus will be there and angels, i will be able to may be inspire someone to do something but on this earth i feel useless and a waste of space.
